Valentines Day - Everytown USA

Eval from NYC says:

Well, Valentines Day is upon us again. Another commercial invention brought to you by the creators of Secretaries Day and Halloween, anything for a buck huh? So join me, my kiddies, in a tale of one man’s journey to stop and smell the roses, in what we here at call “Valentines Day or Valentines Day Massacre?”

I decided to splurge for my wife’s birthday in early February, and had a dozen roses sent to the place of her employ. I never remember how much I paid the year before, but it’s always around fitty clams, New York being the kinda place where nothing is cheaper than fifty bucks. So the broad at the florist tells me 59.99 + delivery and tax. I give her my plastic, and I’m outta there.
Now Valentines Day is upon us and, damn it, I’m gonna send her another dozen. That’s just the kinda guy I is. I call the same florist, and they want, get ready for this….99 smackers . But wait, there’s more. Ya still gotta throw in the delivery charge and taxes, so we’re at about $120, that’s $10 a rose. So’s I ask her if that’s American money. I get no response, but I do get a, “would you like to order a Stuffed Teddy Bear as well”. I bet you know what I told her she could ‘stuff’.
I inquire about delivery on, say, Monday the 12th. Of course the response I got was “It’s the same price all week”. I tell her about my purchase a scant 2 weeks before. She tells me what a nice Husband I must be, sending Roses 2 weeks in a row. So again I give her the, “I bought a dozen 2 weeks ago and they were $59, has there been some kind of global Rose poisoning?” Has Falun Gong let some more Sarin loose? In any event, howsabout a deal????
I got nothin’. I went online, and saw some ‘cheap’ $79 a dozen bad boys, but that’s still almost a C-note with extras. Dag, what a scam. As I have said on numerous occasions, I’m a lazy bastard so I didn’t surf all over town, but I did go to my favorite online discount code site, and grabbed 15% off the bad boys. As soon I hit the VERIFY button on my order, I felt like I had been somehow violated.
That's gotta be one of the oldest tricks in the book. The “If you make them believe they need it, they’ll pay anything for it.” Now I do loves me my woman, and I like to buy her gifts and make her happy, but why can’t I do it my own terms. No special days. I can make any day special. That’s how good I am.

Then there’s this whole candy thing. I enjoy nice things, so if I’m gonna buy my woman some chocolate, it’s gonna be Godiva dammit. I don’t know about other cities, but here in NYC, you gotta get to the damn place a week in advance or you’ll be on line for 40 minutes. And what’s up with the 20 piece box costing 30 or 40 bucks? You buy a smaller box and you it just looks pathetic. What is it, gold-plated chocolate?
Then there’s the whole Baracini crap, or whatever the hell that bad candy in a heart shaped box is called. You can only buy that shit around Valentines Day. What do they do with the ones they don’t sell? Do ya really think that they make it fresh every year? You’ve probably bought a box that was sitting around since D-Day. If I was a chick and someone gave me one of those $3.95 thangs, I’d be laughing so hard, you’d hear me in your living room.

And, don’t even get me started with the ‘Hallmark moments’, and for the record, Genovese Drug Store is not ‘My Valentines Day Connection’


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